Dear Women

Dear Women,

There is so much to speak. I wonder where to begin. I feel it will be appropriate to begin by telling you the reason for this letter. 

We talk a lot about feminism these days, we talk of gender equality. These terms may seem nebulous to some of you. Some of you may look at it as something distant, something that is not related to you.

At this point, I cannot help digressing a little. Bear with me. When I was a kid, I once a read a story- this story is one of the many stories of India’s struggle for independence. In some small town of India, people had gathered to listen to a great freedom fighter (I apologize, I cannot recall the freedom fighter’s name.). The freedom fighter seemed very pleased with himself after delivering a rather passionate, inspiring speech! There was a thunderous applause and loud cheers of “Bharat Mata ki Jai!” boomed everywhere. Something crossed the freedom fighter’s mind and he thought of asking an innocent question. “Who is bharat mata?” the freedom fighter asked. “Bharat mata is Gandhiji’s mother. The British have imprisoned her and we need to fight for her release!” came a very spontaneous reply from a man in the audience. Dear women, we need to understand that feminist movement affects each one of us. Like the poor man in this story who thought that Bharat mata is gandhiji’s mother, many of us think that feminism is about some women in some distant corner of the world. Ladies, it is about each one of us. And this is why I write to you. In this letter, I shall not use the word “feminism” again. I shall simply tell you about my plight.  I will talk about what I have suffered, what women around me have suffered and why my fight for freedom, why “our” fight for freedom seems more real than ever.

Dear women, there is a lady I know. She has been married for 9 years. She and her husband stay with her in-laws. A year ago, she was detected with cancer. When she was detected with cancer, she went to stay with her parents. I will be honest and tell you that I do not know if she was sent away to her parents’ place or she went of her own accord. Whatever may be the case, her father took great care of her health. He would visit hospitals with her, stand in queues for her. He waited forlornly during her chemotherapy sessions; he watched his child suffer and nursed her back to health. She went back to stay with her in-laws after she was healthy enough. A few weeks ago, her father suffered a heart attack. It was her turn to take care of him. She stayed for 2 days with her parents. She was called back by her in-laws on the third day. According to her in-laws, her brother could take care of her father but she was required at her in-laws’ place to do all the household work. I missed mentioning that she is a working woman and still has to do all the household chores after office hours. This lady was bitterly disappointed when her in-laws summoned her but she went back nonetheless. She cried for hours but said nothing to her in-laws. When she told me her story, I shuddered at the thought of not being there for my father! But I also felt that she should have stood for her rights. Yes I understand that no one would want to have altercations at home but dear women, we still live in a world where we have to fight for our rights. If we fight for our rights now, at least our daughters will live in peace.

Recently, “Udta Punjab” made news when Pahlaj Nihalani, chairman of CBFC, banned the movie. The movie brought to light drug issues in Punjab. Pahlaj Nihalani claimed that the movie is vulgar. When Supreme Court nullified the ban imposed by CBFC, Pahlaj spoke with great disappointment. “Doors for films with obscene, vulgar content are now open”, he said. The next day when I opened my copy of Bombay Times, it carried a picture from the movie Great Grand Masti. There was an article promoting the movie alongwith the picture.  

I was perplexed! How can CBFC give consent for such objectification of women! How! On one hand, a movie picturing current societal issues was banned but a movie that did not picture women in right light was cleared! I find it astonishing that it is done by men who we look up to, who hold powerful positions. How does all this affect us, one may question. Let me explain. A few days ago, while I was out for an early morning walk, I was eve-teased by a bunch of school going boys. (I have used the term “eve-teased” for the lack of a better term. Read this to learn more- http://www.newindianexpress.com/education/edex/Eve-Teasing-is-a-Euphemism-Used-Only-in-India/2014/12/08/article2557100.ece ). When we make it acceptable to objectify women, this is what happens to our society. A supplement of a leading newspaper, carrying such picture, is dropped at doorsteps of lakhs of families. There are small boys in these families, who are vulnerable, who are easily influenced. They see. They learn. I wonder if this is what we want to teach them. Dear women, if people with positions of influence in this society do not understand implications of such issues, we will have to speak up because it is affecting us.

Dear women of Uttar Pradesh, I want to speak to you of my predicament. I ask you for help. I have to visit Jainpur (Kanpur dehat) for work every now and then. Every time I take a flight to Amausi airport. From Amausi airport, I take a car to Jainpur. There is a small village, a few kms from Amausi airport, called Bani. Bani has a place that sells a most delicious variety of lassi laced with roohafza and dry fruits. I make a pit stop at Bani every time to enjoy a glass of lassi. Though I love my glass of lassi, stares from men around me make me uncomfortable (No, I am not very pretty looking and that is not why they stare. Staring would have been inappropriate even in that case.). I assume that a girl travelling alone is an uncommon sight for these men and so they stare. Dear women from UP, please start going out, start going out without men. I understand that you are scared. (Read- http://www.indiatimes.com/news/india/despite-tall-claims-uttar-pradesh-is-the-worst-state-in-the-country-when-it-comes-to-safety-of-women-259254.html ). But you we will have to fight our own battles. No one else is going to do it for us. Maybe you can’t go out alone. But you travel in groups, groups of women. Why should you always rely on men to get your things done? This case is probably applicable for women from other states as well. I am simply speaking of something that happened with me.  

Lastly, dear women, I would like to speak of something that is going to take a lot of courage on my part. I fear of being disowned by my family. I was molested by a distant relative when I was 9 years old. It takes a lot of courage for a 9 year old to talk of something like this. Yet, I summoned all the courage I could and I spoke to my father about it. Until then, he was my hero, who could protect me from anything. I expected him to be very angry. I expected him to go and beat up that man. Instead, my father wiped my tears and said, “Beta, one has to think of such things from a lot of perspectives. We have to think of the society. Since he is our relative, we cannot speak about it to anyone but if he tries doing something to you again, tell him that you don’t like it.” And thus, a 9 year old was left to look after herself. Do not misunderstand me. My father is a great man. With the kind of work that he does, he is considered visionary by many. He is respected by many. I respect him a lot as well. Still, it does not change the fact that even he does not understand a 9 year old girl’s quandary and he could not stand for her. Years later, I fought with my parents over this and cried my heart out. I am sure that this is not just my story. This is the story of a number of women in India. Dear women, even those men who have great knowledge and wisdom, do not understand our plight. It is now up to us to bring changes in the society, gradually.

I have not spoken about a lot of other things. I have not spoken about things that organizations like ISIS are doing to women. I have not spoken about how regressive our society may have become- It’s a pain to see working women managing all household chores as well. I have not spoken about men and women who claim that society is gradually changing (It is probably changing but I simply see increase in number of crimes against women- http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/20-more-crimes-against-women-in-2015/articleshow/50178531.cms ). There are people who say that women take undue advantage of laws meant to protect them. Yes, I know such women exist. But this is not about that. Dear women, I am speaking on behalf of the 9 year old who was molested and despite her courage, was not allowed to speak of it. That 9 year old wants to request all the women out there to unite. Do not tolerate atrocities against women, she pleads. She is asking you to stand up for her rights and yours. She is asking you all to fight for her and others like her because no one else will. Will you do it for her?